I make jokes all the time about not having any friends. While that’s a total lie, for the most part it’s been a pretty serviceable punchline for me and so I tend to stick with it.
Somebody will say, “I have to go shop for a gift to bring to my friend’s wedding/baby shower/housewarming/fill-in-the-blank.”
And then I say, “See, that’s why I don’t have friends. They always want your time and money.”
I get a laugh and then life continues.
But really, who better to take your time and money if not friends (and family)?
A couple weeks back, my best friend (who I have not yet forgiven for moving to the Yukon more than a decade ago) was headed to Campbell River with her family to visit one of her sisters before her family’s Disneyland vacation. Given she was so close to me (relative to Whitehorse anyway), she brought her husband and kids over for a half-day visit.
We spent a glorious afternoon together, drinking Slurpees, watching our kids play with water balloons and dreaming of the future when we’ll ditch them with our husbands and go on the proper vacation we both so desperately need.
Last year she spent four hours on a ferry just to spend an hour and a half with me. Now that’s a best friend.
At least I have one friend, I thought to myself.
What a stupid thing to think.
The other day I was looking at the list of text messaging conversations I had going on my phone. The folks you’d expect were all there: my husband, sister, mom, best friend… but there were several more too. And I realized how important they were to me. Each friendship is a little different and they all fill unique slots on my matrix of friendship.
(Sounds like a My Little Pony action movie, doesn’t it? I can see the marquee: My Little Pony and the Matrix of Friendship, featuring Keanu Reeves as Twilight Sparkle!)
And it occurred to me that while it wasn’t an especially long list of names (read four or five) and that I don’t see some of them as often as I’d like to… I was so fortunate to have this group of friends to lean on; the ones that would answer the call in the middle of the night, that would take my kids with little to no notice, that will let me vent, and that know my true character (and its flaws) and seem to genuinely care about me regardless.
Sure I don’t have this massive village of people I get together with all the time. But that’s OK. I’m not that kind of person anyway. I much rather prefer a friend who forces her family to come visit me just because they are going to be within 200 kilometres of my house, or the one the commiserates with me in the middle of the night because our children won’t sleep through, or the one who listens to my me when even I don’t want to listen to me, or the one who consoles me when you readers give me grief (It happens!), or the one who drops coffee off at the office on a day I can’t keep my eyes open.
And even though it probably makes some of them uncomfortable, I try to let them know how grateful I am for them. Because good friends are hard to find and even though I joke about not having any, in reality, I have hit the jackpot.
sarah.simpson@cowichanvalleycitizen.com
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