Did your glasses come with your alcohol as a freebie? (submitted)

Column: Free with purchase: glasses with your alcohol?

One company offered a handy travel case to store your tampons in.

So I had to do something the other day that I haven’t done in years. Literally years.

I had to go buy tampons.

Having been pregnant at the end of 2013, breastfeeding and then getting pregnant again before my first child’s first birthday, I haven’t really had to worry about that stuff for a long time. And when I finally did, I still had a stockpile of supplies to get through. But I finally had to deal with it and let me tell you, first, those things are expensive. Second, there are way too many options. And third, and this is what intrigues me most and will be the actual topic of this column: what’s with the ‘extras’ the various companies add to the boxes to try to entice you to buy their product over the one next to it on the shelf?

One company offered a handy travel case to store your tampons in. It might have been handy had somebody not stolen it from the top of the box already.

Another offered a travel pack of tissues. So let me just say this: I don’t want tissues with my tampons. I have my period, not a cold so let’s be realistic. If anything, I want a double pack of mini red and white wines so I could pair them appropriately with all the leftover Halloween chocolate I’m consuming. Or at least give me some free Advil.

This phenomenon isn’t confined to feminine hygiene products either.

When you go to the liquor store to get a bottle of booze you quite often also bring some type of new glass home too. I’m an adult. In fact you have to be an adult to shop at the liquor store. Adults generally have glassware at home. What we really need with our booze is coupons for free cheeseburgers or again, more Advil because sometimes adults get a little carried away.

How about when you get a new cable package and they try to entice you with a new TV or a new tablet. While fancy and tempting, you know what I’d really like? I’d like to get the actual channels I want to watch without having to pay for 10 I don’t care to ever watch. THAT would be a good deal.

Or what about the free wiper blades with your oil change? You know what I’d like better? For the technician to vacuum out the Timbit crumbs from my car seats and to deep clean the dirt stains the kids kick into the backs of the seats.

You know what should come with diapers? Coffee.

You know what should come with a snow shovel? Those low dosage Asprins you take if you’re having a heart attack.

You know what should come with pasta sauce? Stain remover.

Now those are freebies I could get behind. If only my house came with a butler…

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